I don’t know about you, but I’m getting pretty sick of Facts interfering with the will of God and the greatness of America. It was quite clear to all of us that the murder of Terri Schiavo by her husband and a bunch of activist judges (who legislated from the bench, you see) was a perfect example of the liberals having no respect for life. So, Terri’s doctors were right to say she was in a persistent vegetative state and “no amount of therapy or treatment would have regenerated the massive loss of neurons.” So, her brain had degenerated to half its normal size and she was blind. So, she had been effectively dead for a decade with no hope in medical science of recovery. To bring these Facts into the discussion is unfortunate, however, because we were in the middle of loving our country and our religion. We aren’t about to let them ruin our party.

Who knows Terri better? Her parents, OR numerous unbiased medical professionals; their analysis of 274 internal and external autopsy images; and an exhaustive review of Terri Schiavo’s medical records, police reports, and social services agency records? Damn right, it’s her parents. If they say she had hope for improvement, what are Facts to say otherwise?

Senator Bill Frist (R-Tenn) disputed the claims of the numerous doctors who said she was in a persistent vegetative state. He, a doctor himself, and a conservative Republican, argued,

“I question it based on a review of the video footage which I spent an hour or so looking at last night in my office,” he said in a lengthy speech in which he quoted medical texts and standards. “She certainly seems to respond to visual stimuli.”

You’d think the analysis of a man who is both a doctor and has God on his side would be enough, but no. These so-called doctors perform their so-called autopsy and reveal that her visual system had decomposed beyond any hope of repair. Damnit, people, have these doctors never heard of miracles? Jesus restored sight to the blind all the time, and there’s no proof that he wasn’t about to do the same for poor Terri.

Killing Terri by depriving her of sustenance violated any number of religious tenets, and, ignoring the absurd diagnoses of multiple doctors, the religious right and the Bush administration stood up and said, “No.” They put other trivial governmental matters (like genocide in Africa and the build-up of nuclear weapons in North Korea) on hold, and made sure that this important issue was front and center. It was all so clean and life-affirming and patriotic. Why, then, do Facts have to get dragged into this nice picture? Why do they hate America?

3 Responses to “Why Do Facts Hate America?”

  1. Dad says:

    I’d suggest that you should send this to the NYT, except, of course, only “liberals” (aka scum of the Earth) read it. You have set the bar for future Oliner sarcasm!

  2. Colin says:

    What does “sarcastic” mean?

  3. adam says:

    Don’t worry about it, Col.

    By the way, that was a really insightful comment you just made!

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