That is the sound of someone completely missing the point. Of an idea or concept escaping someone’s grasp. Of ignorance. Some examples are in order. Let’s start in the place where plenty of wooshing goes on: the White House.
Put yourself in the shoes of the average Afghani. You are a sheep herder who has about $700 to spend per year. You don’t have a telephone or a television, and you expect to die before you turn 45. According to your country’s constitution, not a single law may be “contrary to Islam”. You, yourself, are a muslim. For more than a year, the Americans have been offering a $25,000,000 reward for Osama Bin Laden, seen by many as a soldier of Islam. You know where he is but have not turned him in, even though the reward is more than you would make in 830 lifetimes, working from the day you were born. Suddenly, the Americans decide that they will increase the reward to $50 million. Do you: (a) change your mind and turn him in, (b) remain loyal to Bin Laden, because he is a warrior of Islam and America is the Great Satan, or (c) realize that this is a political stunt by the Bush administration rather than a genuine effort to catch Osama, laugh at their stupidity, and go back to herding your sheep. I don’t know whether the woosh goes to Bush or to the American public for not decrying the idiocy of that gesture.
During one of the Presidential debates, Kerry quoted the cost of the Iraq War at $200 billion. Pundits attacked him for so inaccurately quoting that number. In actuality, the costs were probably more like $150 billion, depending on how you counted. Of course, the point was simply that the war was outrageously expensive and poorly executed. Now, any reasonable count puts the cost above $200 billion, and Bush is likely to ask for another $80 billion. At this rate, we will spend $1.4 trillion over 10 years. Kerry is such an exaggerator! Woosh!
But let’s not lose focus. I was talking about people not quite understanding how reality works. I laughed out loud at this CNN poll, which declared that the nation is divided over whether Bush is a divider. Now, look, when you ask a question of the populace that can be answered by the results of the poll, it ceases to be an issue of opinion and becomes a statistical fact. The headline should have read, “Results Are In: Bush is a Divider”. But semantics aside, how can 49% of Americans believe that Bush is a uniter? This poll followed closely on the heels of a highly contested election, which came just four years after an even closer one! Repeatedly, polls have indicated that many people believe Bush divides this nation on important issues. Yet, despite overwhelming and incontrovertible evidence to the contrary, more than 1,000 people reached the conclusion that Bush unites us. Statistically, there are millions just like them. Woosh.
I know that some of this news is a bit stale, but I could hardly pass up these gems just because I’m slow. So, remember today’s lessons: (1) If bribing an impoverished man with $25 million doesn’t do the trick, perhaps you should try a different strategy, (2) instead of fluffing historic numbers, you may find it more fun to wildly extrapolate future ones, and (3) if someone calls to poll you about whether people agree on a particular subject, then ask the pollster, “What did the other people say?” Congratulations, you are now well on your way to living woosh-free.
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